Dewmocracy™

Hello faithful followers, it is I, the Mtn Dew™ Maniac. I'm posting today to address Mtn Dew's™ new Dewmocracy™ campaign.

There are three new flavors, only one of which will be selected to be a new Mtn Dew™ flavor. I went out to the shop and picked up one of each of these new Mtn Dew™ flavors. They include: Mtn Dew™ Typhoon: Punch of Tropical Dew™ with other natural flavors, Mtn Dew™ Distortion: Lime Blasted Dew™, Mtn Dew™ White Out: Smooth Citrus Dew™.

I cannot describe how excited I was to crack these babies open. And boy, was I happy when I tasted these slammin' new Mtn Dew™ flavors!

Here's a breakdown of the three flavors, ranked from my least favorite to favorite. But with Mtn Dew™, it's hard to say that I have a "least" favorite, just ones that are slightly less awesome than others.

Distortion

When I first saw this bottle I was confused; it looked like regular Mtn Dew™. But it was the liquid that was that color, not the bottle! And boy, was I surprised by the flavor! I sniffed the opening on the bottle. There was a lime scent that seemed really keen on saying hello to my senses!!!! The first taste that hit my palate was reminiscent of Slimer from Ghostbusters™. That's a flavor I can get Dew™n with! Then the aftertaste hit me. Boy, was I not ready for that! The flavor of vomit totally overwhelmed all of my senses with a blast of awesome! AWESOME! Mtn Dew™ that reminds me of one of my favorite films AND being hunched over a toilet. What will they think of next?! I didn't know how the other two would stack up, but Distortion™ set the bar pretty damn high!

Typhoon

I love all things tropical, and Mtn Dew™ delivered with this thrilling flavor explosion! Typhoon blew my mind from beginning to end. From beginning! To END!!!! It smells like strawberry-kiwi Snapple™, but even BETTER than that! Imagine taking something really artificial smelling and making it even more artificial smelling! ScienTASTIC! The first taste on the palate is like nothing. Whoa, Mtn Dew™, nothing?! You're blowing my mind! 76g of sugar and NO initial taste! Mtn Dew™ has brought taste to a new, totally awesome Dew™mension! Following the initial nothing flavor, there were some wondrous notes of artificiality, like one would expect to taste in Stride's™ new Mega Mystery™ gum. Mtn Dew™. Breaking down barriers for taste! How could this get ANY BETTER?!?!?!

White Out

I saved the best for last, baby! When I first saw the color I thought, "Gosh, this looks just like "Alpine Snow Gatorade™." Then I thought, "This also kinda looks like dirty bucket water!" Mtn Dew™ has done it again. They make a boring thing like drinking liquid so exciting! I opened the bottle and found that there was no real scent. Oh man, Mtn Dew™, are you going to blow my mind now? And man, did they deliver! There was definitely an inoffensive, boring, smooth citrus taste! It was soft on the palate, as well as boring and bland! AWESOME! Mtn Dew™. You have Dew™ne it. Again. AGAIN!

So there you have it, Internet community. Mtn Dew™ White Out™ is the best of the new flavors, but don't think that it wasn't hard for me to pick favorites. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I don't know how I will go on living now.